Evening early bird - and that's a very charming blog banner - and suddenly your blog is filled with lightness and optimism - how pleasing!
Okay - if I'm being completely honest, I don't think you have an actual story here - and the story you do have requires a set-up in which a) you have to establish a relationship between two sisters b) that the relationship isn't great c) that the good sister has a lover and d) that the bad sister is jealous. The audience has to understand all of this very quickly. Also - it appears that your camera isn't in your script anymore - at least it's not mentioned? And likewise the restaurant...
I can't help feeling that you may have folded in a level of complexity here that has eclipsed some of the mechanics of the brief and is swerving the challenge of your story components.
You've also got no conflict here - because the evil sister is a passive by-stander throughout. I get the mood you're going for - it almost feels like a fable or fairytale - and it's clear you want an uplifting, soul-enriching ending about unconditional love; but does it need magic spells? Isn't the kinship between a lion-tamer and an actual lion beautiful enough?
Lion tamer / camera / restaurant ? How does it all fit with your premise above?
OGR 19/01/2015
ReplyDeleteEvening early bird - and that's a very charming blog banner - and suddenly your blog is filled with lightness and optimism - how pleasing!
Okay - if I'm being completely honest, I don't think you have an actual story here - and the story you do have requires a set-up in which a) you have to establish a relationship between two sisters b) that the relationship isn't great c) that the good sister has a lover and d) that the bad sister is jealous. The audience has to understand all of this very quickly. Also - it appears that your camera isn't in your script anymore - at least it's not mentioned? And likewise the restaurant...
I can't help feeling that you may have folded in a level of complexity here that has eclipsed some of the mechanics of the brief and is swerving the challenge of your story components.
You've also got no conflict here - because the evil sister is a passive by-stander throughout. I get the mood you're going for - it almost feels like a fable or fairytale - and it's clear you want an uplifting, soul-enriching ending about unconditional love; but does it need magic spells? Isn't the kinship between a lion-tamer and an actual lion beautiful enough?
Lion tamer / camera / restaurant ? How does it all fit with your premise above?
we'll talk after the film! :)
ReplyDelete